Inner Mean Girl 40-Day Cleanse: Givin' Up Gossip

 

For the next 40 days, I am participating in the "Inner Mean Girl Reform School 40-Day Cleanse." This is the free "intro" course to a full, 10-week paid course. Well, I don't have $399 to spend on my Inner Mean Girl (she likes to fight with my Inner Frugal Girl), but any exercise that stops a gal from being mean to herself or others and start practicing the golden rule inside and out is probably a good exercise.

Days 1-7 focus on: Gossip

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth."  -Jewish Proverb

"If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends - you're safe in doing it.  But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue."  -Alice Duer Miller

"I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of everybody."  -Benjamin Franklin

My favorite source for insight on how to live your life is the Bible. The Bible (both the Torah/Old Testament and New Testament) definitely has something to say, or should I say, "A whole LOT of something to say" about gossip. Not sure what it says about gossip? Click here and read a few.  Whether you feel like Jesus is God or not, I'm sure you can feel the Author in the fact that, in no uncertain terms, gossip is bad. That's a pretty concise summary.

1. What's the cost of gossip? What's the benefit?

Some articles that I have read have touted some light day-to-day gossip around the water cooler as a positive or even bonding experience that allows for camaraderie amongst co-workers. Despite the bonding that I've personally found around the proverbial work water cooler, I can attest that more often or not I got so caught up in gossip bitch sessions that more often than not, I left and went back to my desk feeling slimed. 

If you're celebrating someone with a little gossip, meaning you're honestly affirming someone's accomplishments, that's usually an acceptable thing. "Did you hear about Jill's promotion? That is so great to hear, she really deserved that!" Truly though, how often does that happen?  Gossip promotes disharmony, which promotes negative energy that can just cling to the walls of a room. Bad energy can be palpable and that's, well, bad. In addition to being able to sense the bad juju in the room, gossip spreads like a virus. Happiness and kindness can triumph, but gossip and hate are pervasive and enslaving.

Courtesy PhotoXpress

2. What's the truth?

It's hard to look at the bright side in a bad situation, but it's easy to catastrophize and commiserate with like-minded folks.The truth is that there are no real, soul-affirming, life-enriching benefits to gossip.

One of our pastors said several years ago, "Make the decision to honor the absentee."  That stuck with me.  Let me be the first to say I've failed miserably at honoring the absentee. Shoot, sometimes I fail at honoring the presentee.  That means failing to honor others and even myself. (Yes, you can gossip about yourself. It's either deprecation or pride.) I am not perfect and I'll bet you probably aren't either.  However, keeping this phrase in your head is one of the most sensible things I can offer.

Another set of precepts, which I believe are Buddhist in nature, involves being mindful to run any words you speak through the rubric, "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?"  If what you speak doesn't meet the three criteria, a closed mouth is likely the best options. Even if it's not mean or gossip, per se, it's probably wasted time and noise. (That counts out about 95% of all the Twitter-ers and Facebook-ers out there, myself included.)

If you cannot commit to a lifetime of gossip-free living, try one day. I can commit to that and I'll bet you can as well.  Now that is something to talk about around the water cooler.  Or maybe not.